Like many parents with too much to do, I’ve been beating myself up lately for tackling the bare minimum while caring for my 3.5-year-old son and 4-month-old daughter. It’s a constant attention shift: him, her, dishes, him, work, her, meal prep, him, her, him— you get it; if you’re also a parent, you live it too.
As a result, when I feel I did awesome in one area in my life, the other areas lag. If it’s time with my kids that’s lagging, especially time with my son, I feel inadequate. I end up feeling at a loss most days.
I could use a few wins. I decided to focus on my small accomplishments over a stretch of 24 hours, then I had to extend the time period because it wasn’t enough to write a solid essay. (Would you rather I lied and said from the get-go I found a substantial number of wins? I didn’t think so).
A parent or not, try keeping track of your little wins if you’re feeling like you’re not getting anything done. Remember, you’re doing better than you think.
MONDAY
4:00 am win: Everyone is sleeping on their designated beds, including me. Usually, I fall asleep on the couch while nursing my daughter. My son sometimes wakes up and joins us even though I tell him to go back to his bed.
7:30 am win: Bond with my son over a moon phases video while we finish eating breakfast. I love that I am able to nurture his ever-changing interests and partake in learning with him.
7:55 am win: While driving my son to nursery school I glance in the backseat, he is holding his sister’s hand. I like to think I’ve helped set them on the road to being close siblings.
8:10 am win: Made it home just in time for my meal subscription delivery. We’re in the UK where it’s not common practice to leave packages on a doorstep—deliverers will either keep the package for redelivery or bring it to a neighbor’s house. It’s my first box with the meal subscription service and I can already tell this is better than the other ones I’ve used before. Double win for saving time and having healthy meals on hand for my family.
2:50 pm win: While at the grocery store I convinced my son that we didn’t need the overpriced kids’ magazine with cheap toys. There were no tears.
4:10 pm win: Managed to register for spring semester classes while my daughter sat happily in her activity center and my son pulled out his train set. When I was done with school, we played trains for a solid thirty minutes until my daughter became upset and required a diaper change.
TUESDAY
9:30 am win: Put my daughter down for a nap in the crib. Let’s see if she makes it past the 20-minute mark.
9:50 am: She woke up.
6:00 pm win: It only took 15 minutes for my daughter to fall asleep! Back to making dinner.
6:35 pm: She’s awake. At least dinner is ready, that’s a win, right?
WEDNESDAY
10:15 am win: Recognized my son’s feelings and acknowledged them. At the pharmacy, we usually check in then sit for an undetermined amount of time before being called up to pick up our medications. Today when I checked in they had my refills ready. No sitting in the waiting area! Except my son wanted to sit in the waiting area. I told him ok and led him to an empty chair. Less than two minutes later he was satisfied and ready to go.
3:00 pm win: My son asked me to work so he could work on his (paper) laptop too. Phenomenal.
Acknowledge the Win, Then Re-focus
Upon reflection, I think I had more wins, but I enjoyed them at the moment instead of pulling out my phone to write them down. I’ve been working on being more present for my children which means a lot less phone-in-my-hand time. It’s not always easy for me, especially since I have the habit of writing thoughts and ideas as soon as they pop into my mind.
I also noted not to bask too long on a win (ahem, twenty-minute naps for my daughter). Life continues, my presence is required. I suppose the same goes for moments that aren’t great, they’ll be over soon. Just acknowledge, re-focus, and move forward.