I’m a terrible patient. I take whatever medications are prescribed, but vow I’m doing better even if my mind is woozy when I sit up. I hate not doing things. Don’t tell me I have an injury, I can’t “take it easy.” I don’t have time for a cold.

I came down with the sniffles a few days before Christmas 2018. I still did a few high priority things, but chalked up the rest of the days to getting better and watching Christmas movies. The last two weeks of December are for relaxing!

When January rolled around I was ready: plans for launching a new blog, a 21-day tone up plan to be bikini-ready for our end of January trip to Thailand. It was a new year and I was still the ready-to-preform me.

Imagine my disappointment and feelings of weakness (yes, I thought myself to be weak) when I started coughing hard on January 8th. I was out of commission by that afternoon— layering up because of chills, keeping the tissues next to me, and startling my 19-month son who had never seen me use a Netti pot.

All the while I kept thinking, “I needed to go for a run today. There’s still time to do my daily writing. What else did I want to do today?” Never mind that I was dizzy, aching and trying to keep my toddler entertained while lying on a couch, I still felt guilty for being sick.

How did this happen?

My supportive husband occasionally mentions I may overburden myself with goals and ambitions. When I feel like I’m floundering he reminds me all that matters at the end of the day is our son, and he’s doing great (he also tells me how great I am and how I’m already doing so much—he’s the best husband ever).

As an ambitious perfectionist, NOT doing has become my goal. Even when I’m supposed to relax I’ll tidy the house, brainstorm new ideas, and fit in a work-out.

[bctt tweet=”As an ambitious perfectionist, NOT doing has become my goal. ” username=”@CKTorres29″]

I think ever since I left a stable job and began freelance work it’s become very evident if I’m not doing something then my business doesn’t flourish. I haven’t conquered the passive income aspect of freelance writing yet. If I’m not working, I’m not making money. As a result I overtax myself and refuse to slow down, even on days when my only job is to recharge and get better.

What’s your perfect weekday?

Mine is a balance of getting things done for work, spending time with my son, being active, and being full of energy while I tackle cleaning and cooking. Not only does everything fall in order, but my son is (mostly) in a good mood, there aren’t any unplanned surprises or fires to extinguish, and I’ve gotten enough sleep.

I had that day recently, keep thinking about it, and keep (hopelessly) trying to recreate it. Not every day will be ideal. I’m sitting here typing this after waking up at 5:15 am and, if you offered me a pillow and two extra hours I’d go back to sleep.

At the beginning of 2019 I promised to do less. The plan is to recharge and relax when I’m sick. I’ll figure out a passive income component to help alleviate the feeling of guilt when I’m not doing work. I won’t plan or write on my phone when I should be focusing on my son or family, as I’m guilty of doing.

It’s only February and I’ve failed a couple of days, crumbling into frustrated sobs and feeling worthless (usually on Mondays), but for the most part I’ve been able to relax. I’m sure my son enjoys this new attitude– we’ve been spending plenty of time playing sans phone. Isn’t that the way it should be?

Here’s to doing less while being more in 2019!